Well, here I am again talking about something in the Bible. This blog isn't here for me to preach, but if I'm going to be real about our family and my life, I've got to share the struggles too; and so many of my struggles are spiritual (and the way we work through our struggles are mostly through prayer and consulting scripture). So if I'm going to be real here in this space, it's going to include some Bible. Ok? Ok.
A few weeks ago, our pastor preached a sermon on how to know if you're a Pharisee. While I won't go into detail, I must admit I saw a couple traits of the Pharisees in myself. With just the smallest amount of self-reflection, it instantly became clear to me that I am a hypocrite. Yep—I notice and judge the sins of others while holding onto sins of my own. YIKES. Anyone who knows New Testament scripture knows a Pharisee is the last thing a follower of Christ wants to be. But here I am.
Today, still studying in the book of Luke, I read in Chapter 16, verse 15:
And He [Jesus] said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men; but God knoweth your hearts: for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God.
Ouch. I can't count how many times I've justified myself and my sins to other people, but mostly to myself. If I'm honest, I've been struggling a lot lately. Our family, and I personally, have been under some real spiritual attacks. The enemy is real, friends—and he seeks to steal, kill, and destroy.
For the good or the bad, God sees my heart. He knows my heart. He sees the sins I've been unwilling to let go, but justified to myself "it's really not that bad." He sees when, in my own pride, I've worked for that which is highly esteemed among men instead of seeking to do the Lord's will. He knows how I've seen the splinter in others' eyes—the eyes of my husband, children, parents, and the people I love—but failed to see the beam in my own. And now my eyes are being opened.
I only share this because I am entering a stage of self-examination, and I covet your prayers. I haven't been putting on the armor of God to protect myself against the enemy's attacks. Now it's time to suit up. So friends, will you pray for me? Will you pray that I hear and heed God's conviction and guidance?
With all sincerity,